The Smirk – Tessa Geogi
Just as when she was turning the corner, she heard them teasing her. And the smirk widened. She didn’t see the world through her eyes, but through her smirk. And the world just saw the smirk. Occasionally when a smile appeared on her face too, it seemed like a less defiant variation of the smirk. The smirk conquered unseen provinces she was scared of and owned unknown terrains she was dreaming of. It wanted to cross all the lines and so did she. It encountered obstacles and ran into walls. A
part of her she knew never existed was awakened by the smirk. Besides, it decided everything. Held her head high. In all probability, the smirk chose her more than she chose the smirk. But then she stayed true to herself, choosing who she is. She knows so much more, for the smirk cleared everything that was foggy and overshadowed. She always has a way, a way of her own. Nothing or nobody stood in her way. Perhaps the smirk was blindfolding her. And even on the longest and most intricate night, she never laid awake, the smirk was her sleeping pill. It was obvious that the smirk was watching out her dreams, never letting any nightmare in.
Mellowed, she never was, not even by the raging sun or still night. As much as she loved being alone, the smirk hated stranding her. She made her way through the worst crowd. Men didn’t dare being in close proximity to her, even when required. The smirk kept them at a distance. Their attempts to strike a conversation also went down the drain. The smirk was so disturbing that they left the conversation in the middle, like a receiver hanging loose from the telephone. The smirk silenced every bad mouth, lowered every raised eyebrow and straightened every frowned forehead. They called her mad when she walked through estranged roads at midnight. And through highways where no woman dared set foot. Each footstep faster and more certain than the previous. Isolated or not, it never made any difference to her. The smirk made them insecure. Each time, when she gets on the late night bus crammed with men, they make a conscious yet successful effort not to brush past her, for reasons they haven’t understood yet. And once she grabs a window seat, quietly combing through the local newspaper and, looking out of the window every now and then, almost every man secretly stare at her, wanting and envying her free spirit. Reminding yet another movie cliché, that’s when the breeze falls on her face, gently blowing her hair, and the twinkle in her eyes sparked with a rebellious twinge, makes a sudden visit, making her face radiate with an unusual power. The power of knowing probably.
The smirk was intimidating, for men in particular. Because that smirk came from knowing. Knowing men too well. She knew every curve of her body well and exactly which make them go haywire. She knew all the imaginable and unimaginable they would do. She knew all the permutations and combinations they would try. Moreover she knew the beast in them and even better, when the beast got the better of them. They thought they were unleashing the animal in them and she knew they were leashed inside this animality. They thought they were being strong, manly & brave and she knew they were being weak, kittens & chicken shits. The only feeling she could recognize she has towards them is pity. The pity that came from knowing. And knowledge indeed is power. She knows that too well now.
3 weeks ago
No longer does she know fear. They thought they took a lot from her. But the truth was they couldn’t take anything and only she knew it. The wounds were too fresh, the pain too strong. Still nothing could change her and she never lost herself. She was supposed to feel grey or blue but all she could feel was sunshine yellow and kelly green. The smirk wouldn’t let her break down. Nor it would let peace and hope slip away. She didn’t even have to start over because nothing had ended for her in the first place. At that point, she turned it around and grew, reaching another, higher level. As she was lying motionless on the river bank, she thought of what happened a few hours ago.
It seemed as if she stepped out of her body and was watching what was happening, not able to do anything about it. All she was thinking was that they could take her body, but she would not let them take her soul! She did not feel a thing. When one of them first started penetrating her she could feel him, but the more and longer he was inside of her the less she felt him. She just shut down. It felt like an outer body experience. As the four of them took turns doing everything possible, just before she collapsed, her pleas gave way to something else, as if she had a sudden moment of enlightenment. That’s when the smirk was born on her virgin lips.
Meet her.
http://ibnlive.in.com/news/bengali-girl-gangraped-in-kannur/215441-60-116.html
© Tessa Geogi
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